I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
