Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
