she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I came so hard my ears popped.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
