how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
