Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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