my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I'm having to shit out rocks
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