i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
