oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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