Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
