we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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