I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
