What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
