how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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