I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
