and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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