I have demons in me.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
