Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
