Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
