come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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