Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
