Jerry, you need to find god
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
