She said her name was "party"
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
