I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
