i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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