Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
