Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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