Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
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