Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
