chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
