I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
