she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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