she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
