Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
