Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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