I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
