Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He felt like a one man threesome
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
