How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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