oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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