This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
