before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
