Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
