Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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