i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
