i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
