I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
