I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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