I think I died a long time ago.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
and she was petting her beer can
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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