I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Even the bartender felt bad for me
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
