I think my vagina is haunted
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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