Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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