I am full of burrito and curiosity
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
