if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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