Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
