last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
she told me i tasted like america
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Randomize
